I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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