i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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