Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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