You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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