the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
