Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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