i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
The Olympian is in my bed
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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