hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
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