Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
