he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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