Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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