i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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