Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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