he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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