So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
