I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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