Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
