She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I want to fling myself into the sun
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
