I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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