I looked at my own cervix.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
