I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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