dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
should my penis look like a turkey
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
