You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
