You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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