You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
