you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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