we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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