Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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