i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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