I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Semen is not good for contacts.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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