I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
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