I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
