trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize