stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
