In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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