you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
