i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
