Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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