Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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