all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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