I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
