Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
