dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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