things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
