we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
