I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
