i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
