Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
