I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
