farters have to be the big spoon...
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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