mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
