I'm eating all of the evidence.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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