Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
