Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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