Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
