Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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