This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
