Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
