I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
