I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
