Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
