i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize