He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i think i have two assholes
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
