After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
