Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
