She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
