i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
