My hand turned me down
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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