she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
