People with herpes should wear stickers.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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