you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
time to smoke my breakfast
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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