oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
