i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
