Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
