Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
