We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
