I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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