What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
