I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
