i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
