Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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