You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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