Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
