How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
