In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Randomize
