Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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