so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
