the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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