so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
