One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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