What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
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