Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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