i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
