I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize