Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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