My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
