I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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