he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
