Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
