i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
