I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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