but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize