wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
