one two three fourrrrnication!
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Randomize
