i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Everything about him screamed your future.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
