Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Randomize
