So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Pants 0. Shit 1.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
