I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
