i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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