Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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